Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Pirates secure another season of futility (as if there was any question).

The Pirates traded Nate McLouth to the Braves today for three minor league "top prospects." This could be, what, the Pirates' 17th consecutive losing season (MLB record)? OK, OK, let's get real. The Pirates weren't going anywhere this season. They've pretty much clinched it now.

Let me tell you why this is a typical move for the Pirates. Their talent pool undergoes a specific cycle:
develop/trade for minor league talent --> talent flourishes in the big league club despite team mediocrity --> big league talent traded (often within the division!) --> develop/trade for minor league talent --> talent flourishes in the big league club despite team mediocrity --> big league talent traded (often within the division!) --> develop/trade for minor league talent --> talent flourishes in the big league club despite team mediocrity --> big league talent traded (often within the division!) --> develop/trade for minor league talent --> talent flourishes in the big league club despite team mediocrity --> big league talent traded (often within the division!) --> develop/trade for minor league talent --> talent flourishes in the big league club despite team mediocrity --> big league talent traded (often within the division!)

I think you get it. Until the Pirates get an owner that cares to spend, this will be the Pirates' destiny.

Monday, June 1, 2009

My posting in my sophomore season is like many batters after their rookie season.

This is post # 18 for 2009. By this time last year, I was at 31 posts...and I started at the end of March! At this pace, I should only have 43 posts by the end of the year.

I attribute this to overexposure. Last year, pitchers didn't have any tape on me. As Runningman puts it, opposing pitchers let up mentally on me because I was a rookie. I had a wildly successful first year, and pitchers have started to sit up and take notice. I think they're studying my game film. That just means I'll have to adjust my swing. I bring my hands in and shorten up that swing.

Wait...what was I taking about?

My suggestions to make the game better...

Opinions are like a**holes...well, you know the rest of that quote. Don't take the following as my opinion. Take the following as fact.

Captain Awesome's List of Things to Make Baseball Better (Working Title)
- Set up Hooters franchises in the ballparks. Wings make everything better...sports, drinking, sex...wait, maybe not that last one. On the other hand...
- Rid the American League of the DH and Steinbrenners. In fact, lift the lifetime ban of Pete Rose and place a ban on the Steinbrenners and all of their progeny forever.
- Lower beer prices for Pete's sake! You could spit on the Anheuser Busch (sorry, I mean ABInbev) brewery from Busch III, and it still costs $8.50 for a beer. Weak.
- I like the 7th inning stretch. Let's have a 5th inning stretch. The 5th inning stretch would have T-shirt cannons and midget bowling.
- Watching baseball for three hours goes by too quickly. I always want to hang around and drink afterwards. After the game, they should have women's mud wrestling and/or foxy boxing.

See? Like I said, these are fact.