Monday, May 25, 2009

Some thoughts on the first quarter of the season...

- ManRam's positive test for human chorionic gonadotropin wasn't entirely surprising. I like his defense that he has passed many previous drug tests. Yep, that exactly the desired result of designer steroids. With MLB and steroids, you are guilty until proven innocent. Sorry folks, that's just the time we live in right now.

- San Diego's current 10-game winning streak is surprising. There were much better odds at the beginning of the season that San Diego would experience several 10-game losing streaks. Do I want to jump on the Padre's bandwagon? No. No, I don't.

- A-Rod's leaked positive PEDs test was not surprising, but it was somewhat disappointing. Everyone had hoped that A-Rod would be the anti-Bonds and erase all the steroid-tainted records in the books. What isn't surprising is that A-Rod came back from injury and is tearing it up. That's just what he does.

- If PED evidence was ever found against Albert Pujols, the city of St. Louis would cease to exist. Really. It would.

- If PED evidence was ever found against Ken Griffey Jr., MLB would cease to exist. Really. It would.

- Greinke is a moster. What else is there to say about this guy? Although I hate W-L records for pitchers, this guy is 7-1 for the Royals. Let me say that again. This guy is 7-1 for the Royals.

- I haven't heard too much about "The House that Jeter Built" recently, but I found the homerun friendly Yankee Stadium hilarious. I think New York almost experienced a riot.

- I would like to reiterate my hope that Jeter's name was on the 104 positives of the PED survey in '03. Yankee fans worship that guy. I hate him. He's on my list. (Hmmm...maybe I need to publish my list. I've forgotten everyone that's on it.)

- The Rays found out that the loss of the DH isn't disasterous. You hear that Hank Steinbrenner? Sonnanstine didn't injure himself by batting and having to run the bases.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

If I were Twittering (tweeting?) during the game in St. Louis tonight...

...it would go something like this:
Top 1 - Way to go Sori. One batter one hit. It will be a good night.
Top 1 - WTF, mate? Is the ump blind? How did he miss that pick-off call?
Bot 1 - Walks aren't good. What is Colby Haircut bunting for?
Bot 1 - Pujols pops out right up the shaft...haha! Shaft...up...Pujols.
Bot 1 - F'ing Yadier. Slow, stupid sonofabitch.
Top 2 - 0-1 not too hard to overcome. D-Lee looks on tonight.
Top 2 - F'ing double play. Way to go, Gameboard.
Bot 2 - WTF is a Stavinoha???
Bot 2 - 1-2-3 inning. Boo-ya!
Top 3 - Ugh, c'mon Chicago. Show a little patience.
Bot 3 - No walks, Theodore.
Bot 3 - I said no walks, Theodore!
Bot 3 - Whew. Dodged a bullet there.
Bot 4 - WTF happened to the top of the 4th? I just got up to go to the bathroom...
Bot 4 - Way to hack, Duncan. You suck.
Top 5 - Patience, grasshopper! Show patience and you shall walk!
Top 5 - A double for Fontenot. Now he's like 2 for his last 35 (estimation).
Bot 5 - Who hit that HR? Colby?!? Go get a f'ing haircut!
Top 6 - Way to waste an at-bat Miles.
Bot 6 - I think I'll Google Stavinoha. Isn't that one of those Nepalese mountain guides...nope, sherpa. Damn.
Top 7 - *sigh* This isn't looking good...
Bot 7 - Good 1-2-3.
Top 8 - Can the Cubs buy a hit?
Bot 8 - Fantastic. Gregg. Mr. 4 runs on 4 hits.
Top 9 - Please get a run. No CG shutout.
Top 9 - F! Now I have to listed to those stupid fair weather Cards fans tomorrow.


Here's the play by play so you can follow along with my thought process:

Top 1st 0 run, 1 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 0
Soriano singled to left.
Soriano was picked off, catcher Molina to first baseman Pujols, Soriano out.
Theriot grounded out, third baseman Barden to first baseman Pujols.
Fukudome grounded out, shortstop Ryan to first baseman Pujols.

Bot 1st 1 run, 1 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Ryan walked.
Rasmus sacrificed, pitcher Lilly to first baseman Lee, Ryan to second.
Pujols fouled out to catcher Soto. Ryan stole third. Molina singled to center, Ryan scored.
Duncan struck out.

Top 2nd 0 run, 1 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Lee singled to center.
Bradley grounded into a double play, second baseman Thurston to shortstop Ryan to first baseman Pujols, Lee out.
Fontenot grounded out, first baseman Pujols unassisted.

Bot 2nd 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Stavinoha flied out to right fielder Bradley. Barden popped out to second baseman Miles.
Pineiro struck out.

Top 3rd 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Soto grounded out, shortstop Ryan to first baseman Pujols. Miles grounded out, pitcher Pineiro to first baseman Pujols.
Lilly struck out.

Bot 3rd 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Thurston walked on a full count.
Ryan walked, Thurston to second.
Rasmus flied out to left fielder Soriano.
Pujols flied out to center fielder Fukudome.
Molina grounded into fielder's choice, shortstop Theriot to second baseman Miles, Ryan out.

Top 4th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Soriano grounded out, shortstop Ryan to first baseman Pujols.
Theriot grounded out, third baseman Barden to first baseman Pujols. Fukudome flied out to left fielder Duncan.

Bot 4th 0 run, 1 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Duncan struck out.
Stavinoha infield single to third.
Barden grounded into a double play, shortstop Theriot to second baseman Miles to first baseman Lee, Stavinoha out.

Top 5th 0 run, 1 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 1
Lee lined out to center fielder Rasmus.
Bradley grounded out, first baseman Pujols unassisted.
Fontenot doubled to left.
Soto grounded out, third baseman Barden to first baseman Pujols.

Bot 5th 2 runs, 2 hits, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Pineiro struck out.
Thurston lined out to first baseman Lee.
Ryan singled to center.
Rasmus homered to right on a 1-2 count, Ryan scored.
Pujols grounded out, shortstop Theriot to first baseman Lee.

Top 6th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Miles was out bunting, pitcher Pineiro to first baseman Pujols.
Lilly struck out.
Soriano grounded out, third baseman Barden to first baseman Pujols.

Bot 6th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Molina grounded out, third baseman Fontenot to first baseman Lee.
Duncan grounded out, first baseman Lee to pitcher Lilly. Stavinoha flied out to left fielder Soriano.

Top 7th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Theriot grounded out, first baseman Pujols to pitcher Pineiro.
Fukudome grounded out, shortstop Ryan to first baseman Pujols.
Lee flied out to center fielder Rasmus.

Bot 7th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Barden grounded out, pitcher Lilly to first baseman Lee.
Pineiro struck out.
Thurston lined out to center fielder Fukudome.

Top 8th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Schumaker in as left fielder. Robinson in as right fielder. Bradley grounded out, second baseman Thurston to first baseman Pujols.
Fontenot flied out to left fielder Schumaker.
Soto struck out.

Bot 8th 0 run, 1 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Gregg pitching. Ryan flied out to right fielder Bradley.
Rasmus flied out to right fielder Bradley.
Pujols doubled to left. Molina grounded out, shortstop Theriot to first baseman Lee.

Top 9th 0 run, 0 hit, 0 error
Chicago 0, St. Louis 3
Miles grounded out, shortstop Ryan to first baseman Pujols.
Hoffpauir pinch-hitting for Gregg. Hoffpauir struck out.
Soriano struck out.

Friday, May 8, 2009

One of the greatest book ideas of this or any century...

is Hot Chicks with Douchebags.


You can also find pictures like the one above on the internet. Go ahead. Do a Google search. I'll wait.
...
...
...
See? It's hilarious! I would like to add an entry of my own:

Ha! Look at this toolbox with that stone fox. Wait a tick...I...think I've...seen...this guy...before.

My stars! That's Houston's right field heartthrob, Hunter Pence.


Hunter Pence is also on my list. He's in the Corey Hart category of players I hate, but I'm not exactly sure why. It's probably because he's so doofy looking.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I am so ashamed...and you should be too!

I have been slacking. Slacking like there may be a tomorrow, but I don't feel like getting off my duff to plan for it. You, the reader, should be ashamed too. I really don't have a reason for it, except that I don't want to feel shame alone.

Anyhow, back to the craziness.

I present to you: Chris Duncan.









Scary...


...or adorable?


I prefer douchebag.

Duncan, you just made my list for having stupid pictures. I gave you the benefit of the doubt last year. No longer, my friend.