Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Congratulations Philly!

This is just a phantastic win phor the phans of Philadelphia.
(I'm already tired of using the "ph" instead of the letter "f" in their headlines.)

A special congratulations goes out to our little buddy, So. Way to go, So! You did it. You got another ring and you didn't have to do a damn thing. You didn't even see one pitch in the series. Truly an inspiration to the children.

Do you know what else is an inspiration to the children? From So's Wikipedia entry:
Taguchi learned English from his wife Emiko, a former television reporter who speaks it fluently. He also practiced by watching films such as Finding Nemo and Monsters, Inc.

Reporter: So, you just won the World Series. What are you going to do now?
So Tag: I'm going to Disney Worrd to see my friends Nemo, Marrin, Surry and Mike Wazowski!
Reporter: OK then.

(I apologize for the insensitive joke about the way that Asians can't pronounce "L" sounds. I feel bad about making the joke...just not bad enough to go back and take it out.)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Selig it right...without a doubt...100 percent...unequivocally. OK, maybe somewhat equivocally.

Sure, BJ Upton needed a snorkel for his steal of second in the top of the 6th.

OK, so maybe Ryan Howard needed some fly fishing waders at first.

Philly fans should not complain. This arrangement played right into Shane Victorino's hands. He's probably used to this from the monsoons in Hawaii (Hawaii does have monsoons, doesn't it?)

Nevertheless, Bud Selig made the right call. Everyone I talked to today kept saying, "What about the hotel arrangements?" or "What about the fans? Are they going to want to come back for 3.5 innings?" or "How are they going to handle beer sales if they usually cut them off after the seventh?"

Actually, the last question was my own. The others I don't care about. Why worry about inconveniencing 45,000 or so fans when you have hundreds of millions to really worry about. Who the hell wants to see the World Series end because of inclement weather? This would have been worse than a tie in the All-Star Game. I say "Way to go, Bud."

By the way, Mr. Selig, when can Carlos Pena expect his fruit basket with 'Thank You' card? You do realize that he bailed you out from having to toss aside the MLB rulebook for the integrity of the World Series. Bud, you owe Mr. Pena.

***UPDATE*** Wrong Carlos. I originally (mistakenly) typed Carlos Ruiz in the paragraph above.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Your baseball team is like which Backstreet Boy?

I am not looking forward to 2008 after baseball...or, for that matter, 2009 before baseball. I know, I know. I'm like a kid dreading Monday coming on Friday afternoon. We have the biggest series of the year ahead, but I am worked up because baseball is almost over. I think I have too much time to ponder these things.

I have become infinitely There was no baseball today. These kinds of days have been rough. It takes me back to mid-July during the All-Star break...when there was also no baseball. This is why I am dreading the offseason. While I wait for the WS to begin, I would like to comment on those articles that I wish I could resist. I call these articles "Your team is like which Backstreet Boy?" You want to pass these articles up for more intelligent discussion, but you can't because you honestly want to see which Backstreet Boy your favorite team most resembles.

I know you were hoping that I would spell it out, so here it is:

"Your team is like which Backstreet Boy?"

1. New York Yankees - The New York Yankees are most like the gay Backstreet Boy.
2. Milwaukee Brewers - The Brewers are most like the annoying Backstreet Boy that is also gay.
3. Houston Astros - The Astros are most like the grizzled Backstreet Boy that tries to look manly, but is gay.
4. Chicago White Sox - The White Sox are most like the other gay Backstreet Boy with the loud-mouthed, latin manager.

I don't know how many Backstreet Boys there are (were?), so I'm just going to stop the list. I think you get the idea of where I am going with this.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

World Baseball Classic

2009 will be the second incarnation of the WBC. Japan will get the chance to defend their title. I have a few questions/comments regarding the WBC before I get geared up for it this March.

- Why can't they play it after the MLB season? Perhaps in November. Maybe in January? Why does it have to be in March and mess up Spring Training?

- If I were to purchase a Cuba jersey and wear it around, would people label me a communist? I think they probably would because I don't look hispanic at all.

- Why don't they have tighter restrictions on what team players can play for? I know it wouldn't be fair to say that you had to play for the country in which you last played. The US would probably clean up every year (that and Team Canada would essentially be the Blue Jays). Why can't they make it that you had to be born in that country to play for the team. Or, you have to have citizenship in the country you wish to play for.

- Going along with the above comment, why was Mike Piazza able to play for the Italians?

- Everyone is high on Japan because they have "good fundamentals." That's boring. The WNBA tried to make the case that the sound fundamentals made up for the inability to dunk. We see where that got them.

- I apologize for the WNBA joke. It was low-hanging fruit, but I couldn't resist. Plus, I like comparing the Japanese baseball team to the WNBA.

- If Fukudome bats over .250 for Japan, I'm going to be really pissed.

- Finally, who decided that the Netherlands gets a team? C'mon!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Who's the boss?

Hank is. (You thought I was going to say Tony Micelli, didn't you?) In case you haven't heard, Hank says he is still the boss...oh yeah, Hal's the boss too, but that's it! You want the rant? You can't handle the rant! Here it is anyway:

Hank Steinbrenner yesterday spit on the notion he has taken a step back in running the New York Yankees "There is one very important point here," Steinbrenner told The Post during an exclusive half-hour session. "The most important thing to remember is this: If you didn't get it from me or my brother [Hal], it doesn't mean [anything]. I don't care about some piss-ant employee. If you don't get it from me or Hal, it's meaningless. I have a lot of things [in Tampa] and Hal is in New York, which is good." Asked if he has taken a step back, Steinbrenner emphatically said, "No." Since The Boss turned over the day-to-day operations to his sons, Hank has one regret. "I should have pushed harder for the [Johan] Santana deal," said Hank.

-NY Post

You heard it here first, folks. Hank Steinbrenner doesn't "care about some piss-ant employee." I can envision it now. Some poor seven year old kid with a English accent, dressed in rags is selling newspapers on a corner in 19th century London. He cries "Extra! Extra! Hank Steinbrenner doesn't care about some piss-ant employee!"

Seriously, this guy is a riot. For your enjoyment, here is your Hank of the Day pic. I know what you're thinking and all I can say is "you are welcome."

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Truth is Out There

This will be a post that goes in many directions. Stay with me if you can.

I dislike the Cubs, if I had to rank the teams in order of me liking them the Cards, Royals, Red Sox would be 1,2,3. The Yankees, Brewers, White Sox, Astros would pull up the rear. Towards the end somewhere would be the Cubs. The Cubs and the Cards have one of the best rivalries and it is unfortunate that they have not been able to add the playoff intesity to this rivalry as they have never played each other in the playoffs so there is not this intense hatred of them like I have for the Astros.

Don't get me wrong, I was glad to see them get swept, I was glad to see the Brewers get swept, however, with all that being said, I feel your pain Cubs fan. I feel your pain Captain Awesome. The 5 game series is a joke. Baseball is random enough and it is impossible to show one teams dominance over another in 7 games let alone 5 games. So, then only having a 5 game series just ramps up the random meter. Do you want to pick the winner next year when the playoffs start, don't look at the records, don't look at the lineups, don't look to see who has the most dominant pitchers.....just flip a coin.

My suggestion is to just have a one game playoff for the first round. Why not? Heck if you are going to tell a team that they can win their division, have the best record in the league, but yet not have any discernable advantage for doing so and better yet, you better not go on a 2 game losing streak or guess what? You have to run the table to go to the next round. Throw in that there really isn't any difference between a wild card team and a division winner and then why not just have a one game playoff that will increase ratings and bring the excitement of the NFL playoffs and totally just giving up on wanting the best team to actually have a chance at winning it all.

It is a screwy system and it blows.

I'm still glad the Cubs got swept.


Don't believe everything you read. Do realize that the people who are deciding what you are reading for news essentially have no checks and balances system in place. They can and do literally write anything they want and they will get away with it and they know they can get away with it. I realize if I wanted to I could have become a journalist, I could have went to college and majored in journalism instead of getting my masters in microbiolgoy with an emphasis in molecular genetics, then it would be someone like me, someone who obsesses over goofy things like baseball and politics deciding what you get to read.

Really what difference is their between you and a reporter out there covering the news. Chances are you studied something harder in college, chances are you have more education than them. Chances are you work in an industry where you have to make more decisions. Chances are if you make a mistake you will have to answer to your boss. Chances are you have to be licensed or have some type of professional or governmental organizational backing. Why are they deciding what I get to read? Don't allow the mainstream media to lie to you because chances are you could do your job and theirs.

I understand why athletes get fed up with reporters. They attempt to manipulate the system to make it about them. Don't believe me? How many times have you heard that "this player" or "that player" will have a hard time making it into the HOF because of how he treated the media? I hear it several times each year around All-Star voting time. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
When the "list" of steroid abusers came out several agencies reported it as truth but guess what, it wasn't. Puljos was one of those listed, now maybe he did or maybe he didn't take steroids but that list was a hoax and there was no proof.

This shouldn't happen. They pick and choose the news they think we should hear, they pick and choose the corruption they want to investigate. That's the reason baseball is so awesome and amazing and even with all the steroids still pure. The winner is the one with the most runs. The coaches don't debate each other, there are no stump speeches and there isn't a reporter with some agenda who doesn't understand VORP telling me who he thinks won.

The Red Sox just beat the Angels.

My apologies to Runningman...

...but I've been a little preoccupied lately. Actually, I have been a basket-case lately.

Anyhow, on with the show. I would like to fully agree with Runningman's picks for the TST HOF.
- Chuck Norris is a man, a myth, and a legend. What can be said about Chuck Norris that hasn't already been said (literally).

- Hank Aaron is awe inspiring. Besides, he didn't punk out and follow Bonds around until he hit the record-breaking HR. You hear me Selig?

As for the TST Douchebag HOF:
- Criss Angel is fighting Jose Canseco for the definition of douchebaggery. He looks like a douchebag, he acts like a douchebag, and he makes a living being a douchebag. He's the kind of guy that I want to punch just because of the way he looks.

-Brady Anderson - HR's by season:
1988 - 1
1989 - 4
1990 - 3
1991 - 2
1992 - 21
1993 - 13
1994* - 12
1995 - 16
1996 - 50
1997 - 18
1998 - 18
1999 - 24
2000 - 19
2001 - 8
2002 - 1

Let me take that a step further...AB/HR:
1988 - 325.0
1989 - 66.5
1990 - 78.0
1991 - 128.0
1992 - 29.7
1993 - 43.1
1994* - 37.8
1995 - 34.0
1996 - 11.6
1997 - 32.8
1998 - 26.6
1999 - 23.5
2000 - 26.6
2001 - 53.8
2002 - 80.0

How does this compare to the known 'roid lads in their heyday (in AB/HR)?
Anderson '96 - 11.6
McGwire '98 - 7.3
Sosa '99 - 9.9
Bonds '02 - 6.5

Anderson ranks right up there with the likes of McGwire, Sosa and Bonds...right? Isn't that the type of player you think of when you think of Brady Anderson???

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The 100th appropriate.

I have nothing intelligible to say after the Cubs' 7-2 loss to the Dodgers in the NLDS Game 1. Instead, I will relay the text messaging that went on between myself and Johnny-2-Turds (no shit, he's really alive). Bonus: I will give you my very own commentary on the conversation in italics.

Out of the blue in the seventh inning (or thereabouts)...
J2T: I've had about enough of Tony Gwynn and his scratchy voice.
Cap'n A: I wouldn't mind it so much if he had something intelligent to say.
J2T: He kept calling Derek Lowe Derek Lee and vice versa in the first few innings.
Cap'n A: I know. I was cracking up.
A little while later...
J2T: This broadcast needs Rick Sutcliff. Ha!
Cap'n A: He would be so drunk by now...
J2T: Totally. Hey, I'm thankful I'm not listening to Ron Santo. I can hear him already... Oh No... Oh Man... GEEZE!
Cap'n A: You forgot "C'mon."
J2T: Hahaha. Yeah, I did.
Even later...
Cap'n A: I love this cliche: He doesn't try to do too much, he takes it up the middle. Thanks Tony.
J2T: I enjoyed the lecture on keeping your head down. Hey, if color commentators can't use cliches, what can they use?
Feeling humorous accusatory racism is the only escape...
Cap'n A: Color commentators? You racist.
J2T: Sorry, I should have said commentators of color.
J2T: Say it in a Jesse Jackson voice.
Apparently thinking everything is "hilarious" when I'm drunk, I reply...
Cap'n A: That's hilarious.
J2T: Tony: "time's running out, one out in the eighth." Brilliant. Can they cancel his TV contract after one game?
On a play at first when it looked like Theriot was out, but Maddux didn't touch the bag...
J2T: Good call.
When I didn't even see Maddux miss the bag...
Cap'n A: I didn't even see Maddux miss the bag.
J2T: Me neither.
Now I'm starting to become anti-social, so J2T takes the initiative to text message me again...
J2T: Z better bring it tomorrow.
Cap'n A: He better...
While pitching a bitch fit like a little girl...
Cap'n A: I'm pitching a bitch fit like a little I'm a little drunk so it is even worse.
J2T: Well, these short series always suck, especially when you lose th fist game. The you feel like it's must win every game.
Now even more cynnical than just after the game...
Cap'n A: If the Cubs lose tomorrow, they're almost eliminated. How's that for a Gwynn-ism?
J2T: Pretty good.