Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Cardinals have outperformed everyone's expectations for this season. That is, everyone but Skip Bayless. He predicted before this season that the Cardinals would upset the Cubs and take the division. He's a dolt. However, I am not counting out the Redbirds just yet. Both the Brewers and Cardinals, for as well as they have played thus far, have gaping holes in some part of their game. True, the 'Crew filled one of those gaping (and I mean gaping) holes with CC's rotund figure. See children, that just shows that if your team sucks in some area, you need to recruit the fat kid.
Conversely, the Cards helped themselves through addition by subtraction. Izzy is out and that is the sole reason that I am not counting out the Cards. The Cardinals went from having a terrible bullpen to having an adequate bullpen, just by losing Isringhausen. Some of you might say that Milwaukee helped their own cause when Turnbow went out, but Milwaukee's bullpen is exceedingly bad even without Turnbow. Milwaukee is perfectly capable of giving away a large number of games yet.
The ever-present specter in this whole mess is the NL East. It is possible that the Wild Card will not come out of the Central at all...
Additionally, I do not want Milwaukee to make it at all. This team is the Houston Astros of 2004-2005 years. They are annoying. So, I will soon become a big Phillies fan.
But wait a minute, let's look closer at this, if the Cards win tonight, Philly goes on a losing streak, Milwaukee implodes, we get some good outings from Wainwright...........2008 is still on.
Monday, August 25, 2008
I like the idea of taking another article and doing find and replace. Here is my ode to Johnny-2-Turds coming home using find and replace.
Johnny-2-Turds are varicosities or swelling and inflammation of veins in the rectum and anus. The anatomical term "Johnny-2-Turds" technically refers to "'Cushions of tissue filled with blood vessels at the junction of the rectum and the anus." However, the term is popularly used to refer to varicosities of the Johnny-2-Turd tissue. Perianal hematoma are sometimes misdiagnosed and mislabeled as Johnny-2-Turds, when in fact they have different causes and treatments.
Johnny-2-Turds are common. In the USA, the prevalence is about 4.4%. It is estimated that approximately one half of all Americans have had this condition by the age of 50, and that 50% to 85% of the world's population will be affected by Johnny-2-Turds at some time in their life. Annually, about 10% to 20% of patients with symptomatic Johnny-2-Turds require surgery.
According to a British medical journal of 1972 Johnny-2-Turds "are common in economically developed communities, rare in developing countries, and almost unknown in tribal communities, where the influence of Western countries is slight."
Many anorectal problems, including fissures, fistulae, abscesses, or irritation and itching, also called pruritus ani, have similar symptoms and are incorrectly referred to as Johnny-2-Turds.
Johnny-2-Turds usually are not dangerous or life threatening. In most cases, Johnny-2-Turdsal symptoms will go away within a few days.
Although many people have Johnny-2-Turds, not all experience symptoms. The most common symptom of internal Johnny-2-Turds is bright red blood covering the stool, on toilet paper, or in the toilet bowl. However, an internal Johnny-2-Turds may protrude through the anus outside the body, becoming irritated and painful. This is known as a protruding Johnny-2-Turds.
Symptoms of external Johnny-2-Turds may include painful swelling or a hard lump around the anus that results when a blood clot forms. This condition is known as a thrombosed external Johnny-2-Turds.
In addition, excessive straining, rubbing, or cleaning around the anus may cause irritation with bleeding and/or itching, which may produce a vicious cycle of symptoms. Draining mucus may also cause itching.
Johnny 2-Turds and the rest of the Peanuts gang go to the beach for the day. Once there, Johnny 2-Turds promises to go back to the beach the next day to meet up with Peppermint Patty. While Captain Awesome and the others have gone home to play Monopoly, he notices Johnny 2-Turds is late, but does not take note of it, and he later cuts his thumb when opening Johnny 2-Turds's can of dog food with a kitchen knife. The next day, Johnny 2-Turds is thrown off the beach due to a new "No Dogs Allowed" rule, and has The Yellow Dart write a complaint letter about it. Then Johnny 2-Turds gets into a fight with Linus for his blanket, and later beats Lucy in a boxing match.
Later, Johnny 2-Turds receives a letter from a guy named Runningman, who has been in the hospital for three weeks and needs Johnny 2-Turds to keep him company. Upon receiving the letter, he immediately sets off with The Yellow Dart to go see him, leaving Captain Awesome completely in the dark as to who Runningman is. But when Linus decides to do some investigating (Captain Awesome: "Just what I need: A blanket-carrying Sherlock Holmes"), he discovers, to Captain Awesome's horror, that Runningman is Johnny 2-Turds's original owner. He faints upon hearing this.
En route to see Runningman, Johnny 2-Turds (with The Yellow Dart along) is forced to face the challenges of a world full of signs declaring "No Dogs Allowed" (e.g. the bus, train, library, hospital, etc., musically accented by the deep tones of Thurl Ravenscroft), and they also face the perils of being the pets of an annoying girl named Clara before managing to escape. The two best friends even camp out and play football and music while preparing dinner.
Johnny 2-Turds finally arrives at the hospital to keep Runningman company for the rest of the time he is admitted. Runningman credits Johnny 2-Turds with saving his life as the two tearfully part ways. Johnny 2-Turds is about to return home when he realizes he will miss Runningman too much and runs back up to see him. He returns home to 'settle his affairs' and say good-bye. Johnny 2-Turds writes a letter and shows it to the kids, leaving possessions to them. (Captain Awesome never got anything). The kids throw Johnny 2-Turds a large, tearful going-away party.
The kids closest to Johnny 2-Turds get up to say a few words in his honor. But when it is his turn to speak, Captain Awesome, overwhelmed to the point of silence, can only burst into tears with Johnny 2-Turds doing likewise. The rest of the gang, even Lucy, eventually follows suit when Schroeder plays It's a Long Way to Tipperary on his piano. Johnny 2-Turds opens his mountain of presents, every single one is a bone.
With Johnny 2-Turds now gone for good, Captain Awesome is unable to sleep. He later admits to Linus that he even prepared a dinner dish for Johnny 2-Turds and took it out to the now-abandoned doghouse before remembering that Johnny 2-Turds was gone.
When Johnny 2-Turds arrives at Runningman's apartment building the next day, he realizes a sign next to the door that says "No dogs allowed in this building" before Runningman comes to the door. Then he is reluctantly introduced to Runningman's pet cat. Johnny 2-Turds shows Runningman the sign. Now released from his personal obligation by this discovery, Johnny 2-Turds leaves Runningman behind and joyfully returns to Captain Awesome and the others.
All seems back to normal until Johnny 2-Turds, again through The Yellow Dart's typewritten letter, demands back the stuff he gave to the gang before he left (except Captain Awesome; Johnny 2-Turds gave him nothing, so he owes him nothing). The rest of the gang angrily walk off leaving Captain Awesome and Johnny 2-Turds together.
Regardless, my latest thoughts:
--Is it really considered an 8 year drought that USA mens basketball team last won a gold medal in 2000. Since they only have the Olympics once every 4 years shouldn't it be a one-olympic drought. 8 year drought implies they have lost it 8 years in a row which they didn't. They only lost it in 2004.
--ESPN...I get it....you hate NBC and the fact that they are covering the Olympics. You don't think they know what they are doing.....I know. I have to say that I wonder if you, ESPN, know what you are doing sometimes with Titletown USA and dare I say the "Who's Now" fiasco. NBC is doing this as a hobby while covering sports is your job.
--Why were the Olympics in China. Is it going to change their Human Rights issues and pollution issues? No, it won't.
--So, why is baseball being dropped?. Seems kind of ridiculous that ping-pong is an Olympic event but baseball isn't. Plus, what about football. How much fun would it be to see an American football team go up against a team from Switzerland. That would be great.
I'm ready for College Football and the NFL. It will be another rough year for the Rams but playing in the NFC will lessen the blow.
Hey Argentina...Would it kill you to put up stop signs at 4-way intersections?
I have to wonder if many life-long democrats are starting to secretly wish they had nominated Hillary instead of Obama now.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
2. Marathon runners are crazy...that includes you, Runningman. If running 26 miles makes you more manly...then sir, you are a better man than I.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Now, I don't normally agree with Maddon because he wears glasses and uses big words like "fabricate," "interpretation," and "rule book." If Maddon knew what was good for him, he'd sit around with Dusty Baker, spit chewing tobaccy and talk about how happy he was that Upton was called out so he couldn't clog up the base paths. Despite all of this, I agree with Maddon. It was a horrible fabrication of an interpretation of the rule book.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The takeaway from this post is that I don't care that CC Sabathia can beat sub .500 teams; I don't care that Prince Fielder became a vegetarian because of his hippie-girlfriend; I don't care that Ned Yost condones domestic violence (see his comments below*); and I don't care about Corey Hart...at all.
*Ned's comments after the Fielder-Parra altercation: “It’s a little bit rude when your neighbors are fighting next door for you to go knock on the door and ask what happened. We handle it ourselves. It’s between us and it’s nobody’s business. But it wasn’t that big a deal.”
Just as an aside, I read somewhere that the IOC accepts an athlete's passport as proof of age. I think this was in an SI.com article. I'm really wondering if that is true. Why, when the East Germans were found to be participating in state-run cheating programs, would the IOC make it so easy for a country to cheat, age-wise? I guess if you think about it, age is an easy way for any country to cheat. If the U.S.'s best gymnast was 15, what would stop the government from issueing false documentation? (I don't see that ever happening in the US because the media would find that pretty quickly, but in countries where the media is controlled by the government, it would be much easier.) Anyhow, this is why my carbon dating methods will become the next big thing in sports.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
"This season has been a disaster," Sutcliffe said. He continued, "there's not enough fingers to fill all the holes."
Actually, Sutcliffe said something to this effect, "This season has been a disaster. It has been like a dam that keeps leaking. Now there's not enough fingers to fill all the holes." I think my ESPN-style journalism is much better to reporting the truth.
***Disclaimer*** I am not making light of the tragedy that is still occurring in Darfur. I am also not making light of leaky dams.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
"I felt as strong as I've been," Harden said.
Harden said this, but this was completely taken out of context. Not only taken out of context, but they are missing an important part of the quote:
"I don't think I felt as strong as I've been," Harden said. "I was a little inconsistent with some of my offspeed pitches today, but I was able to get through it. There were some great defensive plays made today, and that helped me get out of some jams."
I'm not worried about the second part of the quote starting with "I was a little inconsistent..." What bothers me is the very beginning of the quote. Harden is saying that he isn't as strong as he has been. ESPN totally missed the point of what he was saying.
Two possibilities here. ESPN knowingly omitted part of the quote. I can't think of any other reason than to make this a more sensational story. Omitting the first part of the quote doesn't make this a more sensational story, so I am going to say that's not the reason. The other possibility is lackidasical reporting. This is probably the reason. But I ask you which is worse, being dishonest or being incompetent?