Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Call me crazy, but...

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I don't think you can pronounce a time of death on the Cardinals' season yet. Yes, you heard me right. This is coming from a Cubs fan (perhaps this is my skewed view of baseball from being a lifelong Cubs fan...).

The Cardinals have outperformed everyone's expectations for this season. That is, everyone but Skip Bayless. He predicted before this season that the Cardinals would upset the Cubs and take the division. He's a dolt. However, I am not counting out the Redbirds just yet. Both the Brewers and Cardinals, for as well as they have played thus far, have gaping holes in some part of their game. True, the 'Crew filled one of those gaping (and I mean gaping) holes with CC's rotund figure. See children, that just shows that if your team sucks in some area, you need to recruit the fat kid.

Conversely, the Cards helped themselves through addition by subtraction. Izzy is out and that is the sole reason that I am not counting out the Cards. The Cardinals went from having a terrible bullpen to having an adequate bullpen, just by losing Isringhausen. Some of you might say that Milwaukee helped their own cause when Turnbow went out, but Milwaukee's bullpen is exceedingly bad even without Turnbow. Milwaukee is perfectly capable of giving away a large number of games yet.

The ever-present specter in this whole mess is the NL East. It is possible that the Wild Card will not come out of the Central at all...

For Cardinal Nation, 2008 is in the books.....

Too much to overcome this year, too young, too many people going in different directions, too much luck needed that has finally run out. The Cards put together a solid year and persevered through patch worked pitching staff but it wasn't enough. What this year did do was give some younger guys and some never has beens an opportunity and they stepped up. Ludwick, Ankiel, Schumaker, Perez will all have a place on the 2009 team which, with some pitching help, should be able to match up better with the Cubs.

Additionally, I do not want Milwaukee to make it at all. This team is the Houston Astros of 2004-2005 years. They are annoying. So, I will soon become a big Phillies fan.

But wait a minute, let's look closer at this, if the Cards win tonight, Philly goes on a losing streak, Milwaukee implodes, we get some good outings from Wainwright...........2008 is still on.

Monday, August 25, 2008


Ok, true this is a sports blog not a political blog. All I'm saying is that if I'm a Democrat and I've waited 8 years to replace the devil robot president who talks with a DOS type computer voice who has caused high gas prices, erosion, green house gases, AIDS, irresponsible blogging, people to overspend on housing, Germans and the French to hate us, Brett Favre to get traded to the Jets, Bonds to break Aarons record, the trading of Jim Edmonds to the Padres and the subsequent release by the Padres and the signing by the Cubs, the continual dark horse pick of the Brewers to win the NL Central by all Baseball experts causing many to question if a team can really be a dark horse if every expert picks them, tornadoes in Florida and possibly the replacement of the word Christmas with Jesusmas or Baptistmas and I'm watching the Democratic convention and I'm wanting a democrat in the White House then I'm saying "Oh sh!t" or "Sh!t" or "Fu*K" right now. Anyway, its only late August a lot could happen...again Apolitcal.

I like the idea of taking another article and doing find and replace. Here is my ode to Johnny-2-Turds coming home using find and replace.

Johnny-2-Turds are varicosities or swelling and inflammation of veins in the rectum and anus. The anatomical term "Johnny-2-Turds" technically refers to "'Cushions of tissue filled with blood vessels at the junction of the rectum and the anus."[1] However, the term is popularly used to refer to varicosities of the Johnny-2-Turd tissue. Perianal hematoma are sometimes misdiagnosed and mislabeled as Johnny-2-Turds, when in fact they have different causes and treatments.[2]

Johnny-2-Turds are common. In the USA, the prevalence is about 4.4%.[3][4] It is estimated that approximately one half of all Americans have had this condition by the age of 50, and that 50% to 85% of the world's population will be affected by Johnny-2-Turds at some time in their life.[citation needed] Annually, about 10% to 20% of patients with symptomatic Johnny-2-Turds require surgery.[5]
According to a British medical journal of 1972 Johnny-2-Turds "are common in economically developed communities, rare in developing countries, and almost unknown in tribal communities, where the influence of Western countries is slight."[6]

Many anorectal problems, including fissures, fistulae, abscesses, or irritation and itching, also called pruritus ani, have similar symptoms and are incorrectly referred to as Johnny-2-Turds.
Johnny-2-Turds usually are not dangerous or life threatening. In most cases, Johnny-2-Turdsal symptoms will go away within a few days.
Although many people have Johnny-2-Turds, not all experience symptoms. The most common symptom of internal Johnny-2-Turds is bright red blood covering the stool, on toilet paper, or in the toilet bowl. However, an internal Johnny-2-Turds may protrude through the anus outside the body, becoming irritated and painful. This is known as a protruding Johnny-2-Turds.
Symptoms of external Johnny-2-Turds may include painful swelling or a hard lump around the anus that results when a blood clot forms. This condition is known as a thrombosed external Johnny-2-Turds.
In addition, excessive straining, rubbing, or cleaning around the anus may cause irritation with bleeding and/or itching, which may produce a vicious cycle of symptoms. Draining mucus may also cause itching.

Johnny 2-Turds, come home.

Since J2T has been missing for over two months now, I will begin to speculate what happened. To come up with my explanation, I used a highly advanced technique of finding the plot synopsis for Snoopy, Come Home on Wikipedia. Every time "Snoopy" appeared, I did a find and replace in Word to change it to Johnny 2-Turds:

Johnny 2-Turds and the rest of the Peanuts gang go to the beach for the day. Once there, Johnny 2-Turds promises to go back to the beach the next day to meet up with Peppermint Patty. While Captain Awesome and the others have gone home to play Monopoly, he notices Johnny 2-Turds is late, but does not take note of it, and he later cuts his thumb when opening Johnny 2-Turds's can of dog food with a kitchen knife. The next day, Johnny 2-Turds is thrown off the beach due to a new "No Dogs Allowed" rule, and has The Yellow Dart write a complaint letter about it. Then Johnny 2-Turds gets into a fight with Linus for his blanket, and later beats Lucy in a boxing match.

Later, Johnny 2-Turds receives a letter from a guy named Runningman, who has been in the hospital for three weeks and needs Johnny 2-Turds to keep him company. Upon receiving the letter, he immediately sets off with The Yellow Dart to go see him, leaving Captain Awesome completely in the dark as to who Runningman is. But when Linus decides to do some investigating (Captain Awesome: "Just what I need: A blanket-carrying Sherlock Holmes"), he discovers, to Captain Awesome's horror, that Runningman is Johnny 2-Turds's original owner. He faints upon hearing this.

En route to see Runningman, Johnny 2-Turds (with The Yellow Dart along) is forced to face the challenges of a world full of signs declaring "No Dogs Allowed" (e.g. the bus, train, library, hospital, etc., musically accented by the deep tones of Thurl Ravenscroft), and they also face the perils of being the pets of an annoying girl named Clara before managing to escape. The two best friends even camp out and play football and music while preparing dinner.

Johnny 2-Turds finally arrives at the hospital to keep Runningman company for the rest of the time he is admitted. Runningman credits Johnny 2-Turds with saving his life as the two tearfully part ways. Johnny 2-Turds is about to return home when he realizes he will miss Runningman too much and runs back up to see him. He returns home to 'settle his affairs' and say good-bye. Johnny 2-Turds writes a letter and shows it to the kids, leaving possessions to them. (Captain Awesome never got anything). The kids throw Johnny 2-Turds a large, tearful going-away party.

The kids closest to Johnny 2-Turds get up to say a few words in his honor. But when it is his turn to speak, Captain Awesome, overwhelmed to the point of silence, can only burst into tears with Johnny 2-Turds doing likewise. The rest of the gang, even Lucy, eventually follows suit when Schroeder plays It's a Long Way to Tipperary on his piano. Johnny 2-Turds opens his mountain of presents, every single one is a bone.

With Johnny 2-Turds now gone for good, Captain Awesome is unable to sleep. He later admits to Linus that he even prepared a dinner dish for Johnny 2-Turds and took it out to the now-abandoned doghouse before remembering that Johnny 2-Turds was gone.

When Johnny 2-Turds arrives at Runningman's apartment building the next day, he realizes a sign next to the door that says "No dogs allowed in this building" before Runningman comes to the door. Then he is reluctantly introduced to Runningman's pet cat. Johnny 2-Turds shows Runningman the sign. Now released from his personal obligation by this discovery, Johnny 2-Turds leaves Runningman behind and joyfully returns to Captain Awesome and the others.

All seems back to normal until Johnny 2-Turds, again through The Yellow Dart's typewritten letter, demands back the stuff he gave to the gang before he left (except Captain Awesome; Johnny 2-Turds gave him nothing, so he owes him nothing). The rest of the gang angrily walk off leaving Captain Awesome and Johnny 2-Turds together.

Expanding to South America

So, I took a trip to Argentina and Brazil just for work purposes. Eye opening experience. I've been all over the world and I will say without a doubt that the USA is the greatest country in the world. Canada and maybe England can battle it out for 2nd.

Regardless, my latest thoughts:

--Is it really considered an 8 year drought that USA mens basketball team last won a gold medal in 2000. Since they only have the Olympics once every 4 years shouldn't it be a one-olympic drought. 8 year drought implies they have lost it 8 years in a row which they didn't. They only lost it in 2004.

--ESPN...I get hate NBC and the fact that they are covering the Olympics. You don't think they know what they are doing.....I know. I have to say that I wonder if you, ESPN, know what you are doing sometimes with Titletown USA and dare I say the "Who's Now" fiasco. NBC is doing this as a hobby while covering sports is your job.

--Why were the Olympics in China. Is it going to change their Human Rights issues and pollution issues? No, it won't.

--So, why is baseball being dropped?. Seems kind of ridiculous that ping-pong is an Olympic event but baseball isn't. Plus, what about football. How much fun would it be to see an American football team go up against a team from Switzerland. That would be great.

I'm ready for College Football and the NFL. It will be another rough year for the Rams but playing in the NFC will lessen the blow.

World Affairs
Hey Argentina...Would it kill you to put up stop signs at 4-way intersections?

I have to wonder if many life-long democrats are starting to secretly wish they had nominated Hillary instead of Obama now.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Olympics Wrap-up

Today (yesterday in Chinese time?) wraps up the Games of the XXIX Olympiad (it sounds more official when you say it that way). Here are a few observations that I have from the games:
1. US won baseball bronze, but isn't that a kick in the cajones since baseball is "America's Pastime"?
2. Marathon runners are crazy...that includes you, Runningman. If running 26 miles makes you more manly...then sir, you are a better man than I.
3. Name 3 other male swimmers that competed in this year's Olympics besides Michael Phelps. Can't do it? Neither can I.
4. Is there anything greater that US women's sand volleyball? Didn't think so.
5. How would you feel if you won Olympic gold? Pretty good, right? Now, think about how you would feel if you won Olympic gold because of your trampoline routine. My point exactly. Trampoline is the Curling of the summer games.
6. Is anybody else creeped out that these Olympics happened in the future? Time changes freak me out.
7. Beginning a platform dive while doing a hand stand makes me think of the circus...or that Loony Tunes cartoon, High Diving Hare, where Yosemite Sam keeps trying to force Bugs Bunny to dive, but somehow Bugs keeps tricking Yosemite to dive.
8. I fully expect to see Usain Bolt comic books begin to grace the shelves of comic book stores in Jamaica...assuming that they have comic book stores in Jamaica.
9. What was with dropping the baton in the 4X100m relay? I understand that it will happen from time to time, but this is an integral part of the race. Their main thought should be "don't drop the baton." If they do (and they did) it really doesn't matter how fast they ran.
10. Redeem Team...anyone care about this? Anyone? No? Didn't think so.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Despite the funny glasses, Joe Maddon was right.

This post isn't about So Taguchi, but it does begin with a So Taguchi trademark...the swunt. Last night in a tight game with the Angels, BJ Upton swunts towards first base. He hustles (look at me ma, I used a form of the verb "to hustle") out the play and is called safe at first...until he overruns the bag. The ump thought that Upton made a move toward second, so he is called out after being tagged by the Angels. It was the worst call since the last time I saw a call that was equally bad or worse. This prompted Joe Maddon to come out and attempt to school the ump. The ump made this really smug look as he tossed Maddon.

Now, I don't normally agree with Maddon because he wears glasses and uses big words like "fabricate," "interpretation," and "rule book." If Maddon knew what was good for him, he'd sit around with Dusty Baker, spit chewing tobaccy and talk about how happy he was that Upton was called out so he couldn't clog up the base paths. Despite all of this, I agree with Maddon. It was a horrible fabrication of an interpretation of the rule book.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Milwaukee's little charade is cute, but I think it has run it's course.

I hate to bring this up just for the sole fact that this is a uniting theme between Cardinal fans and Cub fans. I am officially tired of Milwaukee's run at the playoffs. I think Cardinal fans are too. It came out of nowhere last year, and it was kind of cute. It was one of those "Awww...look. The Brewers think they are a contender. How prescious." kind of things. Now I am done with it. The Cardinals always seem to contend, I have accepted that fact. The Cubs, even for all their losing ways, can put together a winning team every six to seven years that will contend for a few years before dropping off. The Brewers became trendy last year and, like many trendy things, it's old now. Other trendy things that I would lump in with the Brewers: the macarena (too cliche?), Hannah Montana (and for that matter, Billy Ray Cyrus), Chumbawamba and Tubthumping, Pokemon, Giga pets, slap bracelets (remember those?), and Rick Astley. OK, OK. So Rick Astley was never popular...but you get the point.

The takeaway from this post is that I don't care that CC Sabathia can beat sub .500 teams; I don't care that Prince Fielder became a vegetarian because of his hippie-girlfriend; I don't care that Ned Yost condones domestic violence (see his comments below*); and I don't care about Corey all.

*Ned's comments after the Fielder-Parra altercation: “It’s a little bit rude when your neighbors are fighting next door for you to go knock on the door and ask what happened. We handle it ourselves. It’s between us and it’s nobody’s business. But it wasn’t that big a deal.”

A New Frontier for my Carbon Dating Test...

2008 Beijing Women's Gymnastics. I'm telling you that this is the wave of the future. I am going to get in on the ground floor of this hot issue.

Just as an aside, I read somewhere that the IOC accepts an athlete's passport as proof of age. I think this was in an article. I'm really wondering if that is true. Why, when the East Germans were found to be participating in state-run cheating programs, would the IOC make it so easy for a country to cheat, age-wise? I guess if you think about it, age is an easy way for any country to cheat. If the U.S.'s best gymnast was 15, what would stop the government from issueing false documentation? (I don't see that ever happening in the US because the media would find that pretty quickly, but in countries where the media is controlled by the government, it would be much easier.) Anyhow, this is why my carbon dating methods will become the next big thing in sports.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

My audition for

The Yankees are in trouble. Joba is out and the world hangs on the medical report that comes back on the injury. (New York cares about the injury, but because I choose to ignore that a world exists outside the city limits of New York, I assume that the world cares too...especially those in the Darfur region...I'm pretty sure Darfur is a neighborhood in southern Brooklyn.) Before the Yankees hooked up with Texas tonight, Rick Sutcliffe was asked if the Yankees are in a "dark period." Sut had this to say:

"This season has been a disaster," Sutcliffe said. He continued, "there's not enough fingers to fill all the holes."

Actually, Sutcliffe said something to this effect, "This season has been a disaster. It has been like a dam that keeps leaking. Now there's not enough fingers to fill all the holes." I think my ESPN-style journalism is much better to reporting the truth.

I am not making light of the tragedy that is still occurring in Darfur. I am also not making light of leaky dams.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Whoa. You can't do that.

ESPN, "The Worldwide Leader In Sports," has this quote from Rich Harden after the Cubs finished off a four game sweep of the Brewers:

"I felt as strong as I've been," Harden said.

Harden said this, but this was completely taken out of context. Not only taken out of context, but they are missing an important part of the quote:

"I don't think I felt as strong as I've been," Harden said. "I was a little inconsistent with some of my offspeed pitches today, but I was able to get through it. There were some great defensive plays made today, and that helped me get out of some jams."

I'm not worried about the second part of the quote starting with "I was a little inconsistent..." What bothers me is the very beginning of the quote. Harden is saying that he isn't as strong as he has been. ESPN totally missed the point of what he was saying.

Two possibilities here. ESPN knowingly omitted part of the quote. I can't think of any other reason than to make this a more sensational story. Omitting the first part of the quote doesn't make this a more sensational story, so I am going to say that's not the reason. The other possibility is lackidasical reporting. This is probably the reason. But I ask you which is worse, being dishonest or being incompetent?