Sunday, November 2, 2008

The last time I saw something this long, I was looking down in the shower…

Hello everyone. I am “The Yellow Dart”, the latest experimental guest writer on the world famous “That’s So Taguchi” blog.

Before I say anything else, I would like to thank Runningman and Captain Awesome for their invitation to this exclusive blog. And I must say that I’ve been a big fan of the blog for many, many years (or months, whichever makes more sense).

The only slight hesitation that I had in becoming a guest writer for this blog was the detailed, lengthy, and somewhat strange agreement that the management team made me sign before posting my first entry. Just to get a feel for this lengthy contract, I have included a few of the points that I feel will stifle my creative juices…

  • You may include no references to being intimate with Captain Awesome’s mother, sisters, finance, and/or mistress.

  • You may post no entries dedicated solely to your “man crush” Chris Duncan and his worthiness as a MVP contender.

  • You may not make any posts describing in detail any dreams that you could, would, or should have about Runningman and his sexual escapades with So Taguchi.

  • You may not go an extended length of time without a post questioning J2T’s “manhood”, “sexual orientation”, and/or “possible transgender status”.

  • You cannot headline any post with the phrase “I feel that Capitan Awesome would marry Corey Hart if it were socially acceptable”.

  • You may not mention and/or describe explicit phrases such as “angry pirate, wobbly H, or rusty trombone”.

  • While poetry may be used, excessive Haiku usage is prohibited.
  • You may not at any point use the term “Seventh Inning secom somethings” (whatever that means).

  • And finally… You are not allowed to make repeated references to Billy Mays and/or any of his fantastic home products that include (but are not limited to):

The Big City Slider Hamburger Press
The Handy Switch (Wireless Light Switch)
The Steam Buddy
Mighty Putty
Fix it Scratch Remover
Liquid Diamond
Samurai Shark Sharpener Knives
The Awesome Auger Yard Tool
Zorbeez Cloths
The Hercules Hook
Orange Glo
The Gator Grip
The Ding King
Mighty Mend It

In all seriousness, in future posts, I hope to “make my mark” on this blog by talking about sports other than baseball (to keep me occupied until April). I would speculate that these sports would lean heavily toward the NFL, NCAA Basketball, and even NASCAR.

As an added bonus, I would also like to add a new segment to the TST blog called “Dear Dart”. In this segment, you, the avid reader may submit questions that I will answer in future posts. Feel free to be creative.

-The Yellow Dart

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