Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Exclusive Interview with Big Brown

Wow, I never thought this would happen but I had the chance to interview Big Brown this morning. A couple of wierd things, 1. Horses can't talk, 2. Oddly his lines matched word for word those used by Sgt. Dignam in "The Departed". I say the interview spirals out of control, I'll let you be the judge.

Runningman: So, Big Brown...or is it Mr. Brown or can I just call you Big?

Big Brown: Whoa, let's say you have no idea and leave it there. No idea. Zip, none. If you had an idea about what we do we would not be good at what we do. We would be c****. Are you calling us c****?

Runningman: Um, OK. Sorry, ah, I was just trying to establish how to address you, regardless congratulations on winning the Derby and the Preakness and for all your victories.

Big Brown: My Pleasure

Runningman: So, what happened at the Belmont? You seem poised to be the first triple crown winner in many, many years?

Big Brown:Closed casket?

Runningman: Ok, that's wierd, I don't know how to take that. Are you threatening me?

Big Brown:I got a question?

Runningman: Ok, I'm here to ask the questions but go ahead fire away.

Big Brown: How f***** up are you?

Runningman:That's uncalled for, you're not even giving me a chance here. Are you injured? Did something happen the last two weeks that caused you to finish in last place at the Belmont?

Big Brown:What the f*** did you say to me, trainee?

Runningman: I'm trying to find out why you finished in last place, there was so much hype about you. What did your jockey say to before the race?

Big Brown: I need you, pal. You've already pretended to be a Costigan from South Boston.

Runningman: Wierd, A Costigan from South Boston. Is that some type of horse or something? And why Boston?

Big Brown: Who forged your transcript, d***head?

Runningman: Again, why the hostility? So, I'm just going to ignore you. What did your jockey say to you after the race?

Big Brown:Sorry I'm late......

Runningman: And what else?

Big Brown: Luck of the Irish. All that and you're still young enough to f*** undergraduates.

Runningman: Seems somewhat laidback about the whole issue? Do you take any responsibility for how things turned out?

Big Brown: Where?

Runningman: At the Belmont, you know the race? Many are questioning what type of horse you are, if it was all the steroids before that helped.

Big Brown: I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.

Runningman: Actually, I'm not getting paid for this so I don't know if it can be considered a job or not.

Big Brown: Just because you play a f******* tough guy doesn't mean you are one, you lace curtain f******* p*****.

Runningman: Wow, there must be a lot of tension behind the scenes in the Big Brown camp. There was a lot of hype about the steroids issue, you were on them, your trainer acknowledged it. Many have called for the government to look into this matter and regulate horse racing. Are you ready to acknowledge that you were on steroids?

Big Brown:Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe f*** yourself. My theory on Feds is they're like mushrooms. Feed 'em s*** and keep in the dark. You girls have a nice day.

Runningman: Wow, Big Brown,...Mr. Brown...Don't leave yet...Big?

1 comment:

Johnny-2-Turds said...

Fortunately for that movie, it wasn't as big of a let-down as that stupid glue-bag excuse for a horse. I lost so much money on that deal it would make your head spin.

Also, they should name a horse Big Black after the most awesome bodyguard ever, Christopher Boykin.