Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Jimmy Ballgame Odyssey Vol. I

Johnny 2-Turds (a frequent reader and comment poster on the blog) enthusiastically tried to paint me into a corner last week. He was ready to give me a hard time about cheering on Jim Edmonds just because he is now wearing blue pinstripes. Thus, I am creating my first reoccurring article on this blog. The Jimmy Ballgame Odyssey will chronicle how Mr. Edmonds is working out as a Cub as well as the full gamut of emotions that I experience during this confusing time.

So, as everyone knows, Jimmy is now a Cub. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I didn't like him when he was a Cardinal, but the situation has now changed. First and foremost, I am a Cubs fan. Why shouldn't I root for a man who used to play for a rival? If he is helping the Cubs, he is OK in my book. The only players that I couldn't root for...even if they were Cubs...are Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. Both of these choices should be obvious. They both think the fans are morons...keep telling stories, I'll need some to put my kids to sleep when I become a daddy.

Captain: ...and the ace pitcher came home from the bar with the 15 year old singer.
Lil' Awesome: Then what happened, dad?
Captain: The ace pitcher paid off the singer to make sure she never spoke a word about what happened that night.
Lil' Awesome: Tomorrow night will you tell me the one about the guy with the swollen head that couldn't find a hat to fit?
Captain: Anything for you, sport.

But I digress...

My point is that I am non-committal regarding Jim Edmonds. Johnny 2-Turds isn't going to like it, but I am not taking a definitive position on the matter.


Johnny-2-Turds said...

Please be advised that the seventh circle of hell is reserved for fence sitters such as yourself.

Post carefully, everlasting damnation is at stake.

Captain Awesome said...

According to Dante's Inferno, the seventh circle of hell is reserved for the violent. While I may fall into that category some of the time, this is not where I will spend eternal damnation. If I am such a hypocrite, as you suggest, I would rot in the eighth circle of hell...at least by Dante's estimation.

Johnny-2-Turds said...

Your "baseball relativism" is only slightly less offensive than the position now taken by your friend Carlos Zambrano. At least you haven't flip-flopped and totally wussied out.

However, it's still irritating that your opinion of Edmonds is going to end up being inversley related to the number of times he strikes out this season.

Let the record clearly show: I called it.